Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
