You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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