We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
