im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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