Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
this hospital has no fireball
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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