my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize