god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
