Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
