the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
