you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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