Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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