no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we're so committed to being not committed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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