Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
