totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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