i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
