I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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