***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize