Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
