he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
