I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
