Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
