...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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