Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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