I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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