I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
