Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
