Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
