you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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