when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
