My balls are so social today.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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