I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
