I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize