I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.