Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.