I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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