I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
