I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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