I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
