I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
