just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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