I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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