her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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