i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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