We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando