no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
