so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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