WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
