just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
