Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
