I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
