this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
