It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
