y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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