My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
