The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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