And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
