last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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