I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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