Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
