the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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