You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
