She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
