I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
