Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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