Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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