He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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